Coconut Oil (day 1477)

Dear George,

I’ve been wandering the streets late at night wondering where I am, what I’m doing here, how I got here, what day it is. I know this is kind of silly, just a simple glance at my watch I’ve begun to wear again, but I think it’s more in theory: I’m lost. Can you associate?

I don’t look at my hands much anymore. They’ve become acceptable. I now am fascinated with my chin. The various states of hair growth, the different shape it takes upon waking, after shaving, after showering, at night, in the morning. Have you ever noticed this difference?

It has become obvious to me that my morbid thoughts aren’t normal. No, I am not always dying. The pain in my hip is not my insides unwinding. The twitch in my breast isn’t what it feels like to have your lung spewing it’s contents into my stomach. My throat glands will hurt that much if I jab them consistently. Ears aren’t meant for sharp objects, nor is my nose, throat, bum…

Well, the rumors are true. I’ve begun to enjoy the pleasures of massage. Can you believe I went this long in life without ever truly exploring what my muscles could handle, besides that which I do for muscle growth? I get lost for good lengths of time just trying to understand why my muscle is flip-flopping as it does. I notice when I lie flat on the ground that a muscle in my back shifts a bit. I notice my calves are incredibly tight. And to have somebody else do it for me?! Goodness.

Life changed.

Have you discovered the wonders of coconut oil yet?

With all my brotherly love,

Red.

Valley’s Echo (day 1113)

Your heart is not a valley away,
Nor a diamond left unbought.
Though time discovers all our pain,
Lifting our sins to meet the eye,
To shatter history spent in plans.
To know is like a misspent truth;
To touch the wings of a butterfly;
To give up on the fight.
Where I’m left standing,
Yelling: “My heart is on my sleeve.”
Which I’m not here to wear,
I am here to give alone.
Where I hear the valley’s echo.

2013.08 - Mount Robson (61 of 496)

Lords Divine (day 1081)

For goodness – not –
Shall Lords divine.
Sweet melon nectar
Explicit: intertwine.

An eagle soars
With lengthy hearth
An eagle burns
As Pharaoh’s earth.

River’s dry
– A cracking grain –
To whither: dead,
Our fathers bane.

Of golden green
‘Twixt slender pains
Yell “Willow’s mixture”
Betrayal’s feign.

Yet heard – unspoke –
Gripped the sword
– A childless yoke –
Divine hoard.

Tax Man (day 1051)

I’ve marched here across my anchored points
Delivering pain to sinister few.
The tax man has come,
And he’s collected from me.

Now I’m delivering antisocial notes
With expressed tones,
Lingering intonations,
Fingering about my fretting tongue.

Gathering my fees, I’m straddling.
Marching and lifting and leaving.
And condemning, loudly condemning
The unspoken children, gallantly smiling.

So leave me here if you’ve forgotten your manners.
I’m not ancient, I’m not sunken deep.
Present and lofty and collecting a fee,
The tax man has come, and he’s fixin’ for souls.

Crimson Shakes (day 864)

Waking with the burden on my back
Crawling the narrow channels of my neck
Pain so deep it speaks off the walls
And drips into my uncomfortable cocoon
I’ve disturbedly rolled out flat
Fire engine red blares in and out
Of conscious moments of reality
This is a space between spaces
No quarter for heavy thoughts
Too where light falls upon closed eyes
That slips back into crimson shakes

And If We Did (day 679)

If I were to stumble
Leaving days breath behind
If I were to turn
Sheltered from darkness
If my head were to fall
Eyes wet with pain

What would you do
As our hearts broke together?

If I left no trace
Walking through history
If I whispered on
In distant memories once dreamt
If I shifted sleepily
In a bed once shared

What would you do
As pages pulled at your heart?

If gifts lay dusty
Upon lonely night stands
If smells lingered on
In shirts worn well
If keys clicked no more
For letters of amour

What would you do
As time trickled on?

If Roads Began To Wind (day 646)

If words like these did sting your ears
If flowers no longer blossomed in your eyes
If roads began to wind for you
Forever may those distrust in me

If I spoilt the love I have today
For a love I won’t have tomorrow
Then let a darkness be the bearer
Of steps I do declare

If my virtues contrast my ways
If my habits exceed my grace
Then let my name ring out in laughter
As a man who toiled his life in vain

If a blade took my life tonight
The ice pulling down my being
If an end does finally come of it
And sets my soul to float away
Which pierces through your heart in pain
Then let your suffering be felt by me
What my dying breath shall whisk away

Death and I (day 608)

Death walked away
In silence and in pain
Beaten and afraid
Death walked away

I called Death
By its unspoken last name
Stalked it
I called Death

Death turned around
Looked at me
Quivering lip raised
Death turned around

Death and I danced
We held hands
A deep romance
Death and I danced

Death didn’t lie
It cleared the room
Dimmed the lights
Death didn’t lie

Until I cried
While Death hurried
Death hung itself
Until I cried

Implied Pain (day 410)

Your pain, it holds me tighter
Slowly bleeding me of breath
Rapidly darkening the corners
Losing all depth and truth
While pushing away my sturdy ground

Grasping at dangling straw
Slashing out in water
Pedaling without a chain
Speeding while in neutral
Spinning in the sand

Wrinkles cross your furrowed brow
Tucking your eyes away neatly
Fixing your lips into a slit
Cursing the dawn for it’s birth
Chasing away the zen of it’s wake

Paddling through open waters
Listening to the lone loon call
Falling beneath the foggy eyelids
Drinking that warm milk
Sinking into a padded fort