Arise questions for my soul
How the hell to get off of here?
I left a hole in my deepest thought
Condemned and forced
Into buckets swimming the sea
My Angel sang my song
So I sat down at the closest perch
Hold my hand and dark Mother Earth
I’m not alone, though I’m crying within
How could it be?
How could it be.
Too far away and I’m drowning again
Most of the time
And I love always my song
But it’s getting on
And my soul is still sullen and long
So I’m watching for my forest
To grow and save my demise
And stop reminding me of what went wrong.
Category: sorrow
Window / Brainwork (day 2972)
Windows rush into my brain
Crying for no pain
Then as release comes alive
A target of surprise
Moments shift into a view
Causing shifts into wind
And slowly what was a gold tree
Looses its leaves in sly
Shut and closed for weather seal
Locked for another season
My Dog, My Pal (day 2935)
I felt you in the rain
Streaming down my cold face
Remembering how you cried.
We had always spoken
Every morning and every night
How time passes what now feels.
It wasn’t there that I lost you,
Nor could I have held you tight,
It was the night that I remember
I looked into your eyes.
Sleep came soundly
But awoke with quite a start,
A sadness I had left you
Always be my dog, my pal.
Darkness Again (day 2923)
Darkness is my brethren
Seeped in delicate china
Slithering like a snake.
My cold cold ice
Cracking this heart;
Tasse and blood
And an apéritif.
For my darkness likes gloom,
And I’ve now left the room
And closed all the blinds
To remind me of when
I have been there again.
Tuned to F (day 2818)
Therefore it is vulgar
Lashing out at streetlamps
And long beige raincoats.
Who knew the steel gutters
Would take away today’s news
No symphony could portray
Such lyrical memories
Playing solitary
On a string tuned to F.
Cello of Darkness (day 2817)
It is hard to escape the sadness that runs down the edges of this window
Soaked and spotted by the dark rains, so.
Even Spider who comes to visit plays a long, slow song
Nearly a single note with a cello of darkness.
How tranquil such existence can be
Back and forth Rocking Chair sits endlessly in solitude
Grayed and white cracks endure long years of neglect
That crumble even the greatness they once held in Master’s hands.
I am looking for something greater,
Something with meaning that enlivens the pale skin
Peering back at me through the long window;
I seek its desires by reaching out towards the sheen
But no enveloping touch returns, no embracing moment of reflection ensues
And all that’s left is a smudge that diverts my deepest intentions
Towards a solitude that knows no name.
You don’t have to remember me to spread your wings so wide,
Though the wind catches better at one’s thoughts when it floats away just so
For it is here that there is no breath anymore.
It has been and perhaps once again shall come again
So it is here that I’ll wait evermore.
I Thought You Were Here (day 2816)
I thought you were here,
Then my summer began.
I took you on every trip.
Turned down by the big creek,
Headed on in deep;
Dirt and the sand
And everything ran.
I thought you were here,
Ready to join in.
I cut out a path
To the big ol’ pine,
We hid in the rain
Out of everyone’s pain.
I thought you were here,
Always at my front door.
I heard you come up,
Saw the look in your eyes,
Never thought I’d lose
Deep sand and my blues
Ended with everything for you.
4 Whole Days (day 2813)
I lost my dog a few days ago
He was my world that you never knew.
It brings me sadness
How little time he spent here
And recognizing how my own life
Moves on from his presence.
I want to remember him
In the little ways he would
Make me feel special,
No mortal soul, I should dare,
Could compare in devotion
And thus it is to the stars
– His own shining star –
That his soul shall live on
Forever in tonight’s sky.
I remember each time
He got under my nerves
He’d run around in circles
Speeding away and then closer
My blood would boil,
My temper would raise,
But as I was trying to control him
I too had to control my own self.
Remembering this, I soon found strength
To take him under my wing
And lead him forward.
Yet no longer can I share this with him
No longer is he waiting at the top of the bank
For me to emerge, amidst day’s light
Wondering what it was
That I was to get up to again.
I miss him, my friend, every part of him
Even taking the ticks out
From his thick winter wool,
I miss his little bites
And my own barking of commands
I miss him involved
In my every day routine
Scooping out food
Making him sit and shake.
I notice my changing;
It’s been 4 whole days
Since I walked through the forest
We minded together;
I notice me changing
Into without my best friend;
I notice me lingering longer
Upon tasks full of focus,
No longer taking moments
To shower some love
Upon a small beast
Whom I every bit miss dearly.
Ode to Ruu, A Good Dog (day 2801)
I don’t want to forget you, my little man
Though I know time will ease
What harsh corners left your wake.
I see your bounce,
Your lovely heart,
Your ever curious nudge
Jumping at my dangling hand
Across the yard in little chatter
As day awakes and starts again.
Your nose was really ever curious,
I watched you learn it’s newness
Opening for you an abundance
Across the fields you searched.
Our forest was quiet this morning
Moreso than ever before
No Ruu to keep me safe
From distant thumping of a small grouse
Crashing as you made your way
From one to another I could not see.
The dam I use to cross the creek
I remember the first time
You fought your fear and jumped with me!
How excited you were from thenceforth
To cross across and back again,
You’d run around and back and forth
Bounding with the joy of life.
Your presence brought us all alive,
Not a feat to misunderstand,
For since the day we found each other
The farm was changed:
Day’s toil was full of a scamp
Day’s end was full of a laughs
Day’s start was full of curious.
And today, Ruu, I miss all of you
For it was you who was so true
And tomorrow, I’ll miss you then
For your work was just beginning
We had plans for which you were the Keystone,
Friends for which you were the leader,
In short, a homestead
For which you were the center.
Goodbye dear Ruunikakonikakovski
You live in my heart
Though you are now free.
Awoke Cold (day 2791)
For I awoke
And knew then
It was mine own thought
Had led me here
Astray
Down a path of
Misunderstanding
Misjudging
Forgotten reality
And clouded
Though my bed
Still lay cold.