I remember the golden letter
I signed my last goodbye with,
A script I was particular proud of
With a rusty ol’ dipping pen
Tied up with lies and eternity
And how many times have I chosen to
Wave goodbye to you.
So I stuffed mixed emotions
Into a ball into my pocket
Sat on it for two days
And mailed it with no address.
I am sorry for the overdraft on expenses
For the withdrawal of complete funds
And exercising my options.
But I’m not.
I’m lying and it’s not a puddle of sadness.
I’m drowning and it’s not because of the waterline,
It’s a challenge and that’s just alright.
Cause Momma’s pullin in six figures
And Daddy’s got a gun
And I ain’t coming back from paradise
‘Til long after setting sun.
My disgust has carried down into
My stomach, which I can no longer bare.
I have no more faith
No respite to save my state.
My sleep is hopeless –
All dreams forgotten,
My appetite left long ago,
And all that’s left is bitter chalk
Lining the inside of all that’s spoke.
You don’t have to carry me;
My long lines have touched the floor
And I’ve taken all of my clothes off
To bare everything I’ve got
And you’re not one of that.
Not your wary heart
Or your passive thoughts
Or even the calloused moments
Between making love
And walking away.
This is my burden
And you don’t have to carry me.
One by one
Or two by two
It matters not to me
What matters most
Is do or don’t
As I sit here
And think
I am a little sentiment
Of ever growing resentment
Lost in a pond of gray
I’ve floated off on another day
But if you walk with me a while
I’ll show you how, erstwhile
I was once a former self
Lost amidst a dusty shelf
I cannot see my emptiness
I cannot see my soul
I’ve lost the world
And settling in
I’ve begun to just let go
But pity thou
Who thinketh they
Can forge a path of light
With only fangs
Set for one
Darkness to all else
So can I see
Or do I fret
About yesterday’s chance
If I, for one
Could see this choice:
Empty my sun of gold
Yesterday I was a man
Today I have no sin
A better man,
A bigger name,
Confessed and over spent.
Am I awake?
I’ve pinched myself
I see with my two eyes.
Yet here I sit
Under used
And selling ideas
For a much bigger plan.
It is remarkable how
Even with our last clean dirt
We remain entitled,
Oblivious to our learning
And passions
To remain pleasantly
Saturated.
Holes into nothing
And this is where I end.
Dropping as I awaken,
Say it again,
I didn’t hear you all the same.
And if I wake up
I am left to break up.
Minor chord progressions,
Like my heart,
It is the same song all the same.
Footsteps into distance
As my heart beats into resistance,
Does music still go on?
Is there an echo,
After all, it’s my memory all the same.