My Suffering

I am not a descendant
Neither an ancestor
I walk only
Upon land un-owned
I hear voices
That I may not know
And recognize patterns
Inside my zone
That don’t jive
With my dreams and goals.

So then shall I be reborn?
Shall I find within me
The God I shall be?
Listening and believing
Actions and ideals
In perfect synchronicity?

My barefeet stumble,
My pattern outlayed.
But I still step softly
In spite the growing
Bearing down upon my
Alighted brow
So that this God in me
Is the God that you see
And my suffering
Is not the God that shall be
In you.

Urgent Glow (day 3140)

Could you reach out to me
With even just one shred of urgency?
Pain, desire
Some kind of emotion
That speaks to me of your tune
So acutely set to the vibration
Of your heart.
Draws havoc
Across the desired pages of my mind.
Keeping me awake and suffering
As my candles burn down low,
Offering me a little glimpse
Of how brightly you glow for me.

Return (day 1528)

Return my mouth of suffering;
Return to a place where a brook lightly flows,
Where footsteps – delicately laid –
Digress with foggy mountain hillsides
Tangled deep amidst rose bushes,
Willow whips, cedars wide and pine needles fallen.
Return my mind to awake and aware,
Where fluttering wings present
Gusts of wind amidst tiny chatter from illustrious nutcrackers.
Return me to my home –
Nestled among wild things,
For ohana lives there.
Namaskar, Namaskar, Namaskar.

Long Road (day 1501)

I feel I’m suffering alone.
I feel my eyes are closing off.
I think that there’s no way
I’ll live
To tell all of my stories
From this very long, long road.
Because it is a long, long road.

I had a hand in my own truth.
I had desire cutting deep.
I feel there was a moment
When all
I had to do was dream
Enter in this long, long road.
Because it is a long, long road.

I have never let go of emptiness.
I have held out my heart to sing out loud.
I had the chance to make
A life
With everything I dreamt
Along this very long, long road.
Because it is a long, long road.

I needed one too many paths.
I needed to let go of this I knew.
I have always believed
We are
Passionate indeed.
So we’re all a long, long road.
Because it is a long, long road.

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Hades (day 364)

I’m still alive!
It’s been 7 weeks
Or maybe more
Since I’ve been gone
And all I’ve got
Are two black eyes
Hair full of toil
And hands full of scars

As expected
I’ve grown accustomed
To the heat down in Hades
I’ve opened windows
To invite a nice breeze
Why then do I suffer
Must I make some more work
Down here in hell?

I’ll jump on the next train
As it weaves its way through
Partially shaved countryside
Little hamlets and small pastures
Under bridges and through valleys
We arrived this morning
As we jumped through the gates
Herded by capped men

..there is nice music down here

Fated to my suffering
I settle down
I mark my territory out
Amongst the green sailors
Who’ve practiced their gothic
But dear I’m lost
Regardless of their post
High up in the sky
I’ve lost my way down here
With the rest of them