If we don’t lose it all
Then how much do we lose?
Knot worn and grumpy,
En-sensed long and tall,
A scapular in my heart,
A devil to my breath.
Where wicked thoughts laughter
Knees into our death;
My agony shelters fluttered beats
From wisdom setting free.
Decorate my lapel
Like honey in my hair,
18 mistakes I’ve made;
Black beckons fate.
Letters smudging fade,
Discourse setting deep,
Concubine’s white cotton leather
And my divine.
Indecisively I shifted your heart into my hand
I lingered here a while, debating the weight
Massaging veins that beat uncontrollably
Over and over I turned the red-red blue organ
I looked for a way in – an answer or a keyhole
That would somehow give me what I didn’t know
What did I know? But did I know?
A reflection in the mirror caught my eye
Self portraiture for another day
Here I beat; lifelessly solemn, sublime
Another memory for those who began to fade
Where spots of sun traversed endlessly
We each remember our stories just a little bit harder
– A little bit longer in tooth –
With vinegar to keep infection afar.
And in our judgement, our fantasy act
We search for crime, and it’s partner punishment
To soothe our broken bones that lay
About the floor in disarray.
But as lost is all that has begun
If for whatever reason we hold onto none
Then let our hearts beat madness
Pitter-pattering our footsteps forth
Into cold days of snowy forgiveness
That crawl away as we push back the tears
Singing sweet songs to our guiding Archangels
From this ledge I looked out beyond,
I surveyed the stillness.
Waiting,
Expecting,
Un-avoiding brief glimpses
Of society’s marks;
Transport trucks rumbling
In and out of earshot.
From this ledge I held onto a hand,
I held on so tight to remind me
That in spite surmountable distances,
In spite out-of-control conveniences
I wasn’t alone here;
Alone in my thoughts.
This wasn’t my diary,
This was my acceptance refusal.
From this ledge I plotted.
I took every hemlock and spruce
Inside my heart and nurtured their spirit
To grow with me as I carved my initials
Into their supple skin, raw so real;
Nature entwined my soul and became me
And I became it.
And I lept from this ledge with eyes wide open.
If the sun broke my heart,
Would it shine on in?
Would my splintering fragments
Fray like a hand tied bushel?
Could you bare to see the day
Which evanescent hot rays
Left sour marks upon my boiling skin?
Scouring pure innocence
With marks of the future.
The day that I died
I rose to heights I’d never imagined
I screamed at the clouds
For breaking my ascent
And snarled at the trees
For leaving me behind
The day that I died
I put two left socks on my right foot
I wore my pants a little bit low
To scare old folks
And throw out literal puns
Like the madman I was
The day that I died
I gave mother the biggest hug she’d ever had
She felt within her own arms
The rise and fall of my own heart
She cried great tears that washed away villages
And carved out the mighty Fraser
The day that I died
My heart went to Tibet
Where it sat upon a flagpole
And could do no harm
In times of need, it was unbounded luck
To those who wished upon it
The day that I died
Not a piece of green grass died
Lush was the planet
As the stars made way for me
To call into eternity
That which cannot be given a name
The day that I died
Reverie floated about
Where we lost moments that chided
Our deep complexion of humanity
And all about the silent house
Peace was found existing
How do you commit to someone
To accept one entirely?
For it isn’t just a walk about
Strolling arm in arm…
Nor is it even a moment laughing
To which the poke’s about.
When I sleep, I do not know
What the murmuring’s about.
And walking gaily, all alone
I shouldn’t dare to stop.
Nor when I sleep in my lone bed
Best guess I’m zig-zag hogging
Is it just when my brow’s a furrowed
That I must dig down deep…
Or when I’m afar, a lonesome distance
Away from my fair damosel?
For strong I am, a soldier here
A valiant man of fortune
And when I catch a glimpse of that
Which doesn’t mesh with thyself,
Is it my duty to embrace distaste?
Or fare me well, when I am proud
To turn my head and trod
Into horizon, into the end, farewell! Be off! Be gone!
No. It isn’t that.
This is not the way.
This is not my heart’s desire.
For my own brow,
And your worn brow,
Are forever joined to cherish.
So I do now know what comes of me,
What begs me to be done.
It’s simply a hand of mine, outstretched and outlaid
Accepting another’s sun, vast, wild, and aglow
In peace, enjoyment.. conquest ho!
We run together, apart.
Free to be a memory,
Or a child in incubation.
Free to hide, and free to glow,
And free to bring the world to me.
Free to hold and free to love,
And free to be with me!
How do you love without losing
Without spreading open hearts and tears
Like eyes closing, it’s ending in silence
And personal crushing sinks in
But I, the monster, sinking it in
Scream out like bats whipping through night air
A full moon lurks beyond vision
Unknown and omnipresent; thoughts and sight
Writing my love letters
With blood dropped from a thorn
Splattering into a vial
Collected for these poems
I do not remember or recall
Or recede into a sheltered abyss
I do not wash my skin clean
But I am purity, spread open and sheen
When snow falls hearts gather around the hearth,
Grabbing softly at the cackling pine
Delicately stashed inside the burning pit.
Mesmerized by the dance within, and out.
Here, lights take on a softer glow.
Cold outside carries an earthy fragrance
That tucks itself neatly into corners
Of windows that slowly freeze
Then, from mind we slowly remember
Budding spring uncurling it’s frozen fingers
As green sprouts celebrate daylight sun.
Softness takes long strides out into fresh air.
From this perch, stretched along the couch
Wool blanket helping hold fires heat within,
Tranquil spreads easily inside
These heavy walls flickering me to sleep.
For my lost smile
Settling amongst wind caves
Swept through answers
Clearing my soul
Of intrusive machinery
Pressures of time
I whisper lightly
To my knees I crawl and
Let the lessons lean
On the gravity of my mind
Where by the end
I cannot surprise you
Eyes wide open
Starlet extending thy heart
Entwined