I never noticed your smiles at me
Though I’m sure they were there
They trickle down from a memory
Often bringing a smile to my own face.
I wonder if I do that in my own right now,
I’m of an age where I am no longer youngest
No longer subject to freedoms of fancy.
I know that often you weren’t just idle
Watching and enjoying the moments
You kept busy, kept active, kept thinking
No matter the occasion
So that perhaps your moments of observation
Weren’t so lingering after all
Were they longing?
Instead filled with conversation
And little tasks
To keep you busy against the time
That aging tends to lead one towards.
I dream often of the love we once shared
Often we’re walking down the steps
To the Sea, to the sand and wind
Where we shared lunch so fondly together.
I dream of silly conversation in a rented car
Where you showed me the house
You were raised in
Next to the old school house you played in.
I think of the way your hair came down,
The blues of your eyes as they stared into mine
Sitting in your old but geand chair,
I can only imagine you were wondering what I had planned.
We’d walk through the graveyard with your dog
That quickly adopted me
A walk I enjoyed finding names I had never known of.
It was here that the ghosts came to me,
Black top hats and leather soled shoes
That met us, dignified with a long fur coat
Set to ward off the coming fall colours.
I dreamed here, even then,
Moreso than I do now.
I hurt then moreso than I do now,
But the sorrow is still inside
When I remember what had been
And what, in my foolishness,
Let fall softly away like the shirt I never saw you wear.
I’ve been wondering what the curve of your hips feels like
Watching it sway about the room from my perch
While I lazily ignore the whims of this busy world
Taking you away from me now.
I reach out at every chance I get, of course,
A squeeze that so leaves me enchanted…
And of our conversation while your rainbow of smells
Fill my soul with emotions and memories,
Yet filled with rich vibrancy of time,
That I’ve been counting from me to you
Like flowers in a sunny, afternoon stroll
Through a field that makes me jealous
(Holding memories it so caresses)
Where my feet find sturdy ground to proceed.