At Home

There’s a mountain of crows
Crawling about my mind.
Distant snowy peaks
Tall, looming firs
And the faint, eerie howl
Of the wind
Settling through furry boughs.

I dont want comfort anymore
I want slow, agonizing pain
Of cold feet and biting breath.
Let darkness fill my voids
With only the fire
Inside my eyes
Feeding the warmth.

Here, I will stack wood
Against stained boards
Of an ancient vision;
Architectures ancestor
Where notches have been worn
By our rattling wind
That kept the night
Hallowed at home.

Alone, Within

I believed in you more as an Oracle
Tongue tied and misery
A vision of perfection
I could not attain alone.

What does it mean to be alone?

I have clouds that tell me history’s greatest moments,
And flowers that share with me great healing.
I have sheep that teach me what patience is,
And goats who are with my to play,
Dogs who speak as they are my best friends,
And cats who are my ancestors.

Alone is a construct
Just as freedom and atomic are.
Just as balance and beauty claim to be.
I am not alone if I keep my eyes open,
My heart open, my ears open.
I am not alone if I am welcoming
And I am not alone if I am one.

What does it mean to be alone
Within one’s self?
Did you find it in full Lotus,
Or Tadasana?

Don’t ask if you can sit with me
For you have sat down here long ago.
I believed in you more as an Oracle
Than a maiden who has lived clear through it all,
Answering all questions with wisdom
I’ve read in ancient books,
As if your born again Nirvana
Is leading me on your path to my own.

I’m unruly,
And this is my own.
I smear my own self along pages
Just long enough
To clear blot my way to
Unsensible un-reasoning,
So that all I need is an Oracle:
A busy sign post with one flashing light.
But all I’ve got is a schoolbus,
Flashing lights of warning,
Danger signals of distance,
Red signs to Stop,
And a safety seat with a seat belt
That doesnt bump too much
As wheels turn
And this bus driver
Takes me further within.

Path (day 2874)

I didn’t open up the pages
To find you dying alone here
I woke my warrior
In day steps, dreamily
Dancing to a beat
Of ten thousand drums
Upon my back and shoulders
Remind me of my ancestors
Who never had a chance
Reminding me of my heritage
That grew up too quick
Reminding me that I am a warrior
No matter which path I tread upon
For it is not the footsteps
That lead a path away
It is a heart that leads the footsteps
Upon a path so virtuous
Making freedom a deeper thing
Truth of unimaginable expanse
And I am there, animated
A page I forever open
To step my beating heart
This path I know is mine.

Rising Star (day 2245)

I watched a star rise up today
– Reflections on my mind.
I sat down to remember a while,
Excited as I was,
What recently I had so forgot:
Love had so many ways to me.
My ancestors were running free!
My garden had overgrown so much!
So much I had to feed,
So much there was to intertwine
Amidst my very spine
That I was left, flushed,
Upon a star beside my mind
And a memory was three.

Solitary Circle (day 2198)

How do I succeed at following rhythms?
Time passing while my heart beats
With unspoken visitors enabling
Each pitter-patter footstep leading
Into a little hole I don’t know how to close any more.

I watch bluejays easily get mad at
Unflinching sun poking through spaces in a wild canopy
And woodpeckers at ease as I whistle a hello,
Vigorously and meticulously rummaging through
Every year of hard protection.

Will I find answers in these rhythms?
I dance in firelight imagining all of my ancestors
Which brings comfort to my solitary circle
But never ceases evoking deep pangs;
My wild soul, accompanied.

Shawnigan Lake - Ned Tobin