Alone, Within

I believed in you more as an Oracle
Tongue tied and misery
A vision of perfection
I could not attain alone.

What does it mean to be alone?

I have clouds that tell me history’s greatest moments,
And flowers that share with me great healing.
I have sheep that teach me what patience is,
And goats who are with my to play,
Dogs who speak as they are my best friends,
And cats who are my ancestors.

Alone is a construct
Just as freedom and atomic are.
Just as balance and beauty claim to be.
I am not alone if I keep my eyes open,
My heart open, my ears open.
I am not alone if I am welcoming
And I am not alone if I am one.

What does it mean to be alone
Within one’s self?
Did you find it in full Lotus,
Or Tadasana?

Don’t ask if you can sit with me
For you have sat down here long ago.
I believed in you more as an Oracle
Than a maiden who has lived clear through it all,
Answering all questions with wisdom
I’ve read in ancient books,
As if your born again Nirvana
Is leading me on your path to my own.

I’m unruly,
And this is my own.
I smear my own self along pages
Just long enough
To clear blot my way to
Unsensible un-reasoning,
So that all I need is an Oracle:
A busy sign post with one flashing light.
But all I’ve got is a schoolbus,
Flashing lights of warning,
Danger signals of distance,
Red signs to Stop,
And a safety seat with a seat belt
That doesnt bump too much
As wheels turn
And this bus driver
Takes me further within.

Into the Rain

This smoke and mirrors
Is my pain
As I walk in your memory
I fall alone
On unspent words
My hair,
Lifelessly pressed
Against the glass.
I’ve learned about my veins
That run across
My open palms;
For too long have I
Looked into thee
For an answer
I cannot find.
And so my last drip of blood
Drawn from me
For you
Shall stain the soul
From whence I came
And follow me
Into the rain.

Another Vision

I want to take on a new vision
One where this doesn’t exist
None of this exists
Everything is different.

I sit here in darkness
A dream room
Slightly out of center
Upon a small patch
Of well used rug
Reminiscing on moments
Of movement
How it integrates
Asking myself what is important
So that I can keep
Peace of mind
Peace in my pipe song.

My mind dances
My soul ignites
My senses tingle
Slight breeze
Upon my naked chest
But my blood remains
Pounding deep within my heart
So that I can hear
Each word I cannot speak.

This is my vision
And it escapes
A misunderstood truth
That was lost
As roads paved their way
Across a land
That was not land to be paved.
How many years lost?
Death of a mind,
Visions forgotten,
Self elapsed,
And me, left alone
Upon each moment of dark
A life vanishes
In preparation
For another to take time
Away from a no-one home
Of another vision.

Then as smoke erupts
Stepping stones
Take their heart
Into a vision
That holds tall grace
Of an ancient spruce
Standing in my heart
So I can be forever
And gone
Un-vision.

Sock (day 2946)

I’ve lost the faith like my ancient sock
Fallen and gambling
Delayed and betrayed
Tied to the system but still struggling on
Finding a meaning in spite opposition
Trying as if it was on my mind
To be the only one left standing
As if alone on the wall would be perfect
You know the moon never sings
Though she sits still and observes
It’s me who sings here every night
Stretched and waning in a mood yet understood
Worn out for the ransom.

Tea Leaves (day 2852)

I came here to find you
So I wouldn’t be left alone
By the distance I had been to.
I watched the trees blow,
Long grass learning it’s vibe
And a bee finding it’s way
To another flower safe.
I came here to find you alone
But I didn’t expect to find you,
Since my omens whispered your name
Within tea leaves
I had been learning to read.

A Claim (day 2843)

It was not my claim,
Not could it ever have been
To be lost with controlled madness
On a motorcycle
Going fifty kilometers per hour.
The roads were too dusty,
Too slow,
Too quiet for forgiveness
To be called out
In a manner that did not support
Each dying ember of humanity.
And the glasses were of the new world,
A signal for misunderstanding
– Modern mythological errors
Combed with a brush of the future.
I merely sat there,
I did not dust off the seat
I did not wear deceiving clothes
I did not paint my hair black
Or red or green or blue,
And my wings ever grew
Until I no longer sat alone
Accompanied by history untold
That whispered flickers
Of a language with no words
To my clouded eyes
Laid bare.

Twitching in My Heart (day 2735)

There’s a funny bone in my heart
That keeps twitching when I wake
When I’m alone at the start of days
Trying to understand
What took you from my open hands
To the rocks outside my door
And every one I see out there
Says the same thing back to me
A blankness that hadn’t yet been made
Close spirits in the sky
That rumble back and forth aloud
Language I cannot translate
That takes me back to my awake
So silent here I cry.