Beautiful was my aphrodisiac
And spring was my season
– Edges of my reason –
Campfire held the setting sun
In a Hudson Bay blanket
– Letters of the banquet –
Shadow upon our wall
Patchwork had the little seams
– Hands of you and me –
Until later, what remained
Dusty boots and a little ring.
Beautiful was my aphrodisiac
Listen to raindrops fall
I thought I heard to let it go
Sadness in an old song
And my heart is letting go
To me, I’m still beating there
Go back, take the slower track
In a mind of losing me
I called out to a golden eagle
Take me to the sun
Today I ran today I run
Today I found a trail
Through a suffering forest
They call Ancient Wisdom
I led my heart
Through the roots
To place it at a base
Of Old Man Beard and his setting sun
That bled my raindrops dry.
Lucifer has finally come to me:
Rocketships still burning fuel so fast
Emptiness everywhere is filling up
All around I feel the burning sun
In my mind it is just like a star
To which I feel consumption in my bones
it is wild and threatening here
Dancing madmen with twice bigger guns
Adam’s father and his henchmen all around
My feet can never leave a solid rock.
Lucifer has finally come to me.
I woke up nowhere fast
Speedball to Portugal
A painful memory state
Sin on my mother name
Let’s make a peaceful game
Nineteen seventy eight
And I am filled with golden rays of sun
Nurturing my breastfeeding heart
So I didn’t check my baggage
Left my panties in my purse
Kept the door behind me open
And kissed deeply.
– afterthought –
The man I left I had become
On the road and in my head
Aeroplane has come again
Touchdown I’m not the same.
When you used to sing me songs
I was James Dean and you were love
And wind flowed through our hair
Past a highway sign that read: ‘see ya later’.
When you used to run your hand
Across the front summertime chest
I’d look you up and down
Until we’d both run all round.
When you called me that last time
I was a million miles away
There was static playing on every line
And my voice was in a tin can.
Now, when you come to my mind
You’ve still got those wild daises in your hand
Your smile is the size of the sun
Where we’ve both just begun.
If you were at peace
Would you find the motivation to move on?
Would you step away
Wreck your thoughts
For a better way?
How many moons must smile at your soul
Before the sun begins to rise
With you on it’s mind?
Does peace found ever stay a while?
Does it last into our silence?
Does it come along
Through the wind so free?
Does it catch you in a dance?
Every day we could feel the weather warming up
But we could also feel our spirits rising
Spring came early
We felt heaviness of Winter
Seep out of our teepee
With every cleansing steam inside
And Willow would burn sage brush
Helping evil spirits escape.
I looked for every way to show Willow
Love that I had for her
And so did Lily
I think it was a team effort
We kind of all knew that nothing ever was the same
But we still wanted Willow back
And she came back to us
After a bit of a spell away,
For a few days she left
With warm blanket and clothes
To where we didn’t really need to know
But when she returned
She was a new woman
A proud woman, an invigorated woman
A hungry woman,
And we all still loved her
And ate to celebrate the change.
She told me one night
Soon after that
That she had a vision
From her mother
Telling her that:
As the sky must cry
To empty it’s weight
So too must the heart.
It shocked me a little bit
To learn that Willow felt unworthy
Of the love that I gave her
For what had happened
To our baby
But I reassured her it wasn’t so
That no matter what
I loved her
And with this
She looked me in the eyes for a long time
And finally exclaimed:
My Love, Big Arrow –
A name she had started to affectionately
Call me after she learned
Of Lily’s and mine’s first meeting
So many moons ago now
When she had given me her little arrow
And I to her: my heart –
I don’t know where you came from
And I do hope you stay a while
You are a good man
Better then most
Your kindness I could never match
And for that, I am yours,
Until the moon stops to shine
And the Sun falls asleep.
When we were sure that Willow had a baby
Basically everybody else knew, too
Things weren’t so secret within the family
I liked it that way
Different then what I had grown up with
We were very happy, of course
And Lily was excited too.
Moon Cow guessed that Lily was seven cycles of the seasons
I would have guessed something close to that
Had I to make a guess at her age
So she knew what it meant to be having a baby
And she also anticipated the responsibility
Her and Willow were so cute
As they began sewing baby moccasins that fall
With one of the deer hides we had brought home,
Lily also took on a lot more responsibility
With cooking and housework
That Willow wasn’t able to do too well anymore
And it was also nice to give Lily some responsibility
As she was growing and needed to learn
How to do some of the more family oriented things.
Lily was already really good at finding the herbs
And medicine that her mother had been teaching me
So before the first snow fell,
Willow was anticipating
Much of what she would need
Into her pregnancy
Many moons ago
Willow and Mercy had taken over
As medicine women of the family
After Willow’s own mother had died
They had always been inseparable as children
And as Willow’s mother
Had more then enough to share
She taught them both the medicine
So they could both help
And hopefully pass on the knowledge to their children
When the time came,
So Lily was able to learn from the ancient knowledge.
The Winter was relatively balmy
The snow would come and then melt a little
And then a little more snow would come
Followed again by the bright sun and warm weather
We would get these winds come through
That were as hot as the finest summer day
Where all the children would be out
Throwing snowballs and playing as they do
It was fun to watch
As nobody really likes being cooped up all Winter
And the sun is always needed
This time of the year.
I think it was because of the warm Winter
That Willow developed a cough
It was a deep cough that she said hurt her rib
That had broken earlier that year
When the bear had run her down
Some nights she would lie awake
Mercy and Lily fed her all the medicine they could find
But were also cautious about the baby
That awaited inside of her stomach
Some nights I would lie awake with her
Getting a warm rock from the fire
To put at her feet to keep her warm
And a cup of warm medicine water for her to drink
To hopefully put her to sleep.
Each day I fell more and more in love with Willow
Not to be overlooked was sweet Lily
But Willow was my woman and I her man
And everyday we learned each other more and more
She was patient with me when I needed to learn
Something that most of the young scouts knew naturally
But she could see the desire in my eyes
And she always believed in me
I can only imagine it isolated her a little bit
From the rest of her family
Falling in love with a white man
But then again
Her and Moon Cow were always kind of unique.
She was a good woman
And provided for me in a way I could have never imagined
We grew with each other
And I’m sure I wasn’t like the men she knew, like Lily’s father
We didn’t quite fully understanding each others ways
Expectations of our own cultures
But we were both very patient and considerate
Which allowed us to subtly learn and adjust
At night I would lie with her
Smelling her warmth next to me
Feeling her breathing upon my chest
Listening to words she did not speak
But a deep comfort she exuded
She was as kind and interested in me as I her
And our passion frequently overtook us
As the coals on the fire deeply tingled asleep
As the first birds of day sang sweetly.
We would often walk through the forest by ourselves
Looking for herbs or vegetables or roots
Anything really, mostly for ourselves
We would hold hands and stop by little streams
Or our favorite viewpoints
Or little meadows with wild flowers growing tall
And make love to each other
Without restraint, wildly,
And cleanse each other in the refreshing water
After we had enjoyed the buzz
And warm sun on our bodies.
Wisdom shocked the senses
Into thinking of a way out.
Too many goblins chatting
At the back door, closing soon.
Laying sun in crimson skin
Knicked at the very tips
Of mirth and exposed bits,
Beneath a woven scarf
Tied much to tight;
Killed in a drunken sun.