I want you to be here
So I can feel your breath
Shared with me.
I want you to be here
So I can feel you quiver
Against the cold.
When the moon rises
And lingers closely
There’s a space waiting
For you, my dear.
When I stop a moment
In the wildest forest
There’s a clearing
For you, my dear.
Sounds of raindrops break my consciousness
For I want to explore your body as if I’m exploring the forest
I want to bend underneath your limbs
And with my eyes search for usnea that grows so delicately from your branches.
As I step into a clearing, my nose so inspired
I will smell each of your scents, one by one
Until I can recognize, sight unseen, your every emotion.
I want to feel the damp moss growing around your belly
And tug gently so I can hear little tendons flexing at my pull.
I want to squeeze when I find your roots
For they shall startle me with rawness and give me cause to lift my knees,
And here, as I squeeze so gently, I shall watch your lips as they subtly quiver
As if blowing wildly in gusts of wind.
And then I shall fall gently into the sweet creek flowing from your nether regions
That shall sweep me away down a trail I have never explored before.
Alone I walked into the sea
To bare my naked chest
I stood here staring into darkness
And no voice returned back at me
No cry was heard from my mouth
No quiver upon my lip
For virtue had led me to here
Neither shame nor blame held me
And to this eye I stared right back
No wrong turn had been made
My toil left me up to my neck
My strength helped me breathe.
(part II)
When I saw it, I slowly pulled my arrow from its quiver
A practice as natural to me as walking
Without hesitation I had one full meal,
A warm meal that hadn’t been had in two days
My diet primarily consisted of berries and roots
So plentiful on this wild land
But frequently supplemented with unsuspecting small game.
Before my knife entered the belly of my meal
I thanked its Gods for their offering
For helping to sustain me on my journey
For helping to return the vigor into my body
So necessary for survival
And with every bite my heart and soul filled
With a return to this earth
And I was reborn again, new.
It is eerie the silence after a feast
Such powerful voices circling around
Escaping, collecting, gathering, burning
It’s like a dizzying kaleidoscope
Caught up in a whirlwind
Mixing with my own heart screaming so loud
I walked along in silence for quite some time
Thinking about the changing seasons
And the cold that wasn’t far behind.
It comes naturally for me as a human
To push on, push forth
Push to get to a destination known
But when I see my next camp for the night
I know it without hesitation
And sometimes it comes before
Warmth of midday sun has a chance
To burn its brightest spark
And I take off my pack, sit down crosslegged
And observe the land all around.
I learned long ago that land speaks to me,
It tells me what is behind that tree
And what is under that bush,
It shows me where to look
Before what I’m looking at is there
The land shows me how wind swirls
And leaves bend off of branches
It shows me the light tapping
Of two giants married by force
And light nutshells crackling as they fall
From heights stored in safety.
There is nothing else that is as perfect
As these moments of pure clarity
Yet behind every breath
Reins the loneliness such a journey entails
Which the heart never expects
But always knows is there
And I pulled in this deep sadness
With my breath as it flowed
Memories that showed me how to move
Like a teacher that had kind patience
As I sat as a pupil learning.
..And there were golden letters.
[Can I finally tell you?]
Like streams lapping mossy brooks,
To which my gloss rolled over.
In spite my anarchy,
My self propulsion…
Towards your grace.
I left slipping,
Jumping to and fro
Unto my broken jaw,
Lifelessly turning me over
Into airbrushed aluminum oxide.
Geometrically tracing
My bloodless sorrow
Into triangles
[Non-conducive triangles]
That weaved my sorrow
Into perfect pitches
[Acute pitches]
Hallowing my desire
Into five unspoken pledges,
Five needle point succulents
Layering my borders
Like foggy rolling alcoves
Set deep amongst
Cool summer’s afternoon
Wheeping willow rushes
– faint memories about this seascape –
But my layered angles sheltered me
From petty hearts that soothed me
To make my sleepless nights
Ever lonely, evermore.
A riddle I can’t play just so.
But lighting candles
That broke into my bedroom
And watched my brow quiver
As morning wretched it’s yawning
About the dusty trails,
I traced an even pathway
In triangles, forever faster
Until my morning had at last come
Filled with ancient rhythm.
Eyes so better clearer
Than one thousand lenses focused
On a heart so muddy [clearer].
I held onto my breath
Until anxious had subsided,
For I could not remember
What words had come before it.
And in such built excitement
A heart did flutter on,
Lost but not forgotten
Into books of golden letters
– Bound with broken arrows –
That felt so narrow holding
Pieces of leather’d sorrow
[Remember bloodless triangles]
That wept a stainless trail
From deep within desperation
Into worn hands of a savior
Who whittled out a triangle
To feed alotted perscriptions
With ever nimble fingers
Soaked in rosé water
And dried with ancient scrolls
Written in a forgotten language
That told of a lost soul
Who pledged a life to quill
Written in golden letters
And tied with broken arrows.
Words he’d lost to scrolls.
A heart he’d bled for food scraps
To feed his lifeless voodoo doll
Filled with needled pin holes
And scarred with a single triangle
Between worn out eye holes.
And written just below it
In tiny golden letters
Was ‘dia de la muerte’,
And the eyes all turned to sun
That grasped their holy language,
Blinding them to forgiveness
In smokeless trans-am tires
With a golden eagle flying.
This was not the end of stardust,
Not a burning pledge for Satan,
Not midnight’s showdown in dusty boots.
This was the last redemption hour,
A stained wedding gown and laughter.
And two boots made of leather
Tied tight with broken arrows,
Tracing triangles in the dirt
At gun points scary tremor.
Written neatly in a book
In perfect golden letters
Signed only with a triangle.
To you we just quiver
But to us we are champions
We have the ultimate
In safety and defense
Imagine, a ball of spikes
Impregnable
Undesirable
Very non-tasty
But our noses we each
Have such pinkness delight
And toes with our claws
Soft bellies underneath
And in our deep sleep
We curl into a ball
Relaxing our quills
Exposing a petite nose
We are a peaceful bunch
Sleeping all day
We rummage around
Without much of a noise
And if we are lucky
If our owners feel
To let us roam free
We roam wild and happy!
