If only I had the sense to be
Like Tiger stalking prey:
Focused and with eyes alert,
I am the predator.
I have full attention to
Every sound alerting me,
Minute changes I can see
Smell, sense, and feel.
Never hungry, growing family
At the top of my game
I am an Apex predator
This is my territory.
Tag: family
Open Ended Questions (day 2593)
These days I find myself revolving around an open ended question.
I dont find myself worried or left on a cliffhanger,
No, these notes dont sound good on the breath of discovery,
My walnuts are chesnut brown
And my drawers are filling up with notes
That have inches and arrows scribbled
Upon their worn and wearing shoulders.
You see, the game is but a dice I’ve been carving.
No choice wrong just doing and not doing.
A collaboration of antivibration
Has taken its seat next to the campfire I sit at nightly,
With a small dosage of 5% ABV
But the streetlight illuminates my path home
Though I walk through dirt and pastures
To find my bedroll and cedar.
So I ask the questions that need no solving
But need collaborating,
I ask the answers I know,
But believe the cosmos knows too
For in believing in that orbit
I have put faith in my family,
And my family has led me right into discovery
With an open ended question
Resting on the lips of eager grasshoppers.
Overflow (day 2505)
I will overflow the river
I will bend down deep to fill my pail
And hurry to the side of my homestead
I have built this domain
With all I have
My two hands, heart, and family
And tomorrow I shall rise
As the new day unfolds
Ready to see the news
The clouds and trees
Shall blow my way
And trust I have the strength
To overflow
Dinner Table, Hungry Plates (day 2489)
It has snowed and I am cold
Darkness sets the evening mood
But cheer and family have come around
Gathering at the house
To celebrate each other in cheer
And feast upon our fill
That rests idle at the dinner table
Waiting for our hungry plates
To spill and splash and mix and match
Each of us, indeed, happy as can be.
Moon at Midnight – Part XXXXXXIV (day 2038)
“When I was young
My father would take Moon Cow and I to Plains
Same place every year
And we would sit in same spot
Watching great Buffalo
Migrate through
Dad would tell stories
Of previous hunts
Or legends his father had told him
Explaining to us where Buffalo came from
And why it had been given to us
Now, we no longer have Buffalo
That my father spoke of
And it saddens me that Lily River
Cannot sit here
Listening to your stories
Of where Buffalo comes from
And why we respect Buffalo
I don’t hate White Man for this
Though it is their doing
How could I hate the natural way of world
Speaking to us so?
We have shared this land many generations
Hopefully many more
But our people have always listened
Listened to stars, moon
Trees, rivers, creeks,
Coyotes howling at night
Those are Gods we take
And those are Gods who speak to us
So, too, shall we let Gods lead us now
In this time of change
For change is what we always have
Season to season
Moon to moon
We listen
And change led us here
How can I worry about change
So strong I feel in us now
change like we have never experienced
Land is changed now
It is not our family at war with other families
It is all of our families coming together
To find a way to stop big change White Man brings
Do you think there will ever be a time
When land has changed so much
No more Buffalo
Whole valley of Elk we see here
So vast and so plentiful
So many there are less trees in the forest
Do you think land will have
Buffalo no more
And Gun grows as plentiful
As Elk here before us?”
Moon at Midnight – Part XXXXXVIII (day 2032)
I felt like I was getting pretty good at identifying plants
It was really enjoyable for me
To go out looking for medicine and herbs
With Willow
It was incredibly peaceful with her
Walking lightly through the forest
Listening to birds
And waiting for animals to do their things
Before we did ours
This was a beautiful life,
I kept thinking to myself
How I had been so lucky to have
Met Moon Cow so many moons ago now
As they stopped me while I was walking
East from Amy and Frank’s house
After leaving them for the first time,
One day while the two of us
Were stopped along a brook
I asked Willow if she wanted more children
She looked at me and smiled
And said that she had always dreamed
Of having four children
I guess I had kind of already known her answer
Before I had asked it
But was looking for some kind of affirmation
I felt at home with her
I knew that much for certain
I knew that my lonely heart
That had set me out on the road
So many moons ago
Was no longer lonely
That Willow and Lily and Moon Cow
Were the family I really never knew
I was missing.
I held her close
And kissed her deeply
I could feel the gentle squeeze
Her strong hands made
Upon the small of my back
As she let me know with her hands
How she felt about me
Her love was like the sun on my skin
Her touch burned me
With complete satisfaction
Right to my soul
In a way that I had never felt before
Every moment with her
She taught me how to be a more kind human.
We spent the remainder of the warm but late
Summer day tangled in each other
Rolling in each others ecstasy
Rising and flowing
As we taught each other
The flow of the river
With our hands and noses
With our gentle kisses
And passion.
Moon at Midnight – Part XXII (day 1996)
(part XXI)
This was my new family
My life became so entwined with them
Every day for me was filled
With compassion I had never experienced before
Not even living at home with my Irish parents
Who set the fire at 4:15 every night
There were other people that involved themselves in our life
But they had their own things
And I had for the most part
Already been completely welcomed into the family.
I took Willow and Lily with me to see Amy, Frank, and Clarinet
Who were at first beside themselves with joy
That I had found myself a wife
And then flustered with how to celebrate
The special event with us,
Because of the communication we had developed
They were able to talk with us
And only some of the time Willow would lean on me
Asking what they had just meant
But she was never-the-less shy
About meeting White people
And didn’t quite know how to act
Or what to do in a social setting like this with them.
When we were on our way home
Winding through a path that was now familiar
I asked Willow how she had liked Amy & Frank
She said: “Amy very beautiful, Frank very clean.”
I laughed a good long time
After hearing this
In spite her questioning: “What? What?”
I couldn’t stop my laughter
And couldn’t get enough of this woman who loved me
I asked her how she liked their home
Wooden walls, and rocking chairs
And a steel fireplace to burn wood in
She looked at me and said straight:
“Joe, not us.”
At that moment
My passion for her blossomed
Into a thousand year old tree
Her honesty and immediate awareness of it
Made me understand one of her truest qualities
Willow looked at me
And I looked at her
And Lily, behind Willow, looked at me
And for nearly the whole ride home
I could hardly contain myself
From devouring with passion
The entire essence of Willow
Her full beauty as a strong Woman
Who had chosen to share space
With me, a dusty traveler,
And every time I looked at Lily
Bundled in tightly behind Willow with sleepy eyes
I burst into laughter I never knew I had.
When we arrived home
And put Lily to sleep
We walked down to the river’s edge
Where we had first kissed
And sat for a long time
Together, under blankets
Watching as the moon slowly made its arch
High up into the Autumn sky,
There were no words that needed to be said
Because we spoke so fluently in silence
And we leaned backwards
Falling into the web above
Twinkling back at us in dreams,
Sharing every secret we ever had.
Moon at Midnight – Part XXI (day 1995)
At first it was hard to communicate with Willow
But we were inseparable
And we learned each other’s words
That helped us communicate
And what we lacked in spoken word
We made up for in body language
I hadn’t known many women in my time,
More familiar with an axe and squirrels,
But I learned Willow every way I could.
I learned how she hummed almost inaudibly
Before she woke me up
Dancing her fingers lightly over my sleeping body
As if they were sunlight
Warming my mind to the day;
I learned how her eyes looked shocked and innocent
When she couldn’t understand the words
I would excitedly share with her;
I learned her various routines
That announced each changing rhythm of the day;
I learned how much of a teacher
She was to Lily
Taking every moment she could to share
Her wisdom to her only child
With just the right enough patience
Matched with enough urgency
To encourage the blossoming child
To remember the things she must to survive.
I learned how she played with me
And laughed at my seriousness
She would push me to delay
In spots I hadn’t noticed in my hurry
Instantly draining whatever burden
I had riding about my shoulders
I learned her mischievous smile
When she would want me as her lover
And how she would lose all control
As she leaned her head back to my caress
Eager to remain entwined
Lost in the clutches of love.
Lily’s eyes would always grow larger
When she observed moments of our love
I knew that her adolescent crush
Wouldn’t let her sleep at night,
When Willow and I would share our passion
She seemed happier
Clearly part of her mothers spirit
That always sought to see happiness
In those around her
She would help as we learned to communicate as a family
Each playing a guessing game
That we became very accurate at
The more we learned each others’ rhythms.
Moon at Midnight – Part XIX (day 1993)
I awoke early with Moon Cow
To ask him if I could take his horse
I told him I was going
To go to see Amy & Frank
See how they were setting into autumn
I had hardly been able to sleep
My mind was racing and ignited
And I definitely didn’t want to
Step on any feet in my new family
How could I know?
I only had vague introduction to their culture
And could only have my own reference
With the culture I was brought up in
I wasn’t naive enough to think
I knew how to fit in just yet,
Accepted as I was.
I hoped spending the day with Amy, Frank, and Clarinet
Would answer many questions for me
Being with them filled me with so much gratitude
So much love and respect for the family unit
But this was different
Than family life of the Blackfoot
Would Willow and Lily homestead with me?
How far ahead of myself I had gotten.
They could tell I had something troubling me
Amy said: “Joe, I think the full moon is on your mind.”
I kind of looked at her surprised
Using the moonlight last night talking to Willow
I had only noticed it but not taken much account
She was entirely right
My mind was in the moon
And with the birds, and bees,
And coyotes howling in the night.
So Frank and me cut wood
And Amy made us sandwiches
And all four of us drank fresh milk
And enjoyed the early afternoon sun together
I learned that Amy was pregnant with their second
At the same time Clarinet learned
She was startled with the news
Playing as she was with a doll on the patio,
She just sat there with her big eyes
Looking at her mother
Probably as many thoughts going through her brain
As I had inside of mine.
I left with enough time
To return by daylight
Trying not to rush myself home
For I knew that I would be expected
But still so many thoughts going through my mind
Before getting home
I stopped at one of the bluffs with a view
Of the entire valley basin
And watched the sun set
With glorious reds and purples and oranges
That gave me every answer
I had ever asked before.
Moon at Midnight – Part VIII (day 1982)
(part VII)
I helped Amy and Frank chop wood for five days
In exchange for…
Well, I guess it would be food and board
But I was mostly staying for the company
As they were both such enjoyable humans to be around
And their two lazy dogs, Rudd and Jip,
That I still don’t understand why
They weren’t the first to greet me
And Claire, who I nicknamed Clarinet
On account of my sweet mother’s favorite instrument
Who was the child I had heard Amy speaking to
Upon my arrival.
They came from the South
Frank’s old man was a cattle baron down there
Whose ruthless ways, along with his two brothers
Had driven his kind heart out of there
Before he found himself crazy
Kind enough to send him off with
His share of the ranch, though
Amy was his sweetheart
And probably had a lot to do with his tenderness
Having been in love since they were thirteen
Holding hands in the pews at the Sunday sermons.
Amy was the only daughter of the towns only Doctor
She was tall and kind
And treated everything she came in contact with
As if it were the most precious thing around
Yet balanced it with just the right amount of sternness
That kept any good family working smoothly
Her parents missed her dearly
And came to visit once a year after the thaw
To check on the health of the family.
Had I set my heart out to build a more perfect house
I don’t think I’d have been able to
The patio afforded a view
Stretching out in front of the house
Down the meadow to the small stream
At the far end
The exterior had board and batten
Of pine that Frank had meticulously fired
Into a most beautiful looking color
Inside, Amy’s oven was perfectly stoked
To afford just enough heat to boil a pot of tea
But not enough to break a sweat
Which sat on the kitchen side of the middle of the main room
And on the far side were two rooms
One for Amy & Frank
And the other for their planned family
That currently was filled with household items
Amy needed close at hand
A sturdy table Frank had built
One met on the right just as they entered the house
And to the left upon the wall
Was where shoes were left and coats hung
And following along was storage
And more chairs to see to it
That no guest was left standing at the door.