I am my own frustrations
For there is no seperate
What I see
I believe
And become
So lookout.
I ride the borealis
With wild eyes and spitfire
A demon
In my heart
Runs wild
Late at night.
Now vegabonds
Now miscreants
Now misdeeds
And devilry
Now laughter
Now chaos
And discover
Who we are.
I don’t want you to remember me
When you see daylight searching
Over twilight’s shoulder,
I want birds to scream bloody murder
Through their washed out faces
Long callused like knots
Grown out from tree trunks.
I want you to document my every step
That lives deep in the mud
Like you would document a nightmare
Scared of even breathing
For danger it would incite the demon
You most feared.
I don’t want you to remember me
For in your memory, icy cold
Shall rest my name, sworn.
I will sweep the floors of my hearth
And I will stand up against the wind
I will call out in response
To endless tests of Zeus
I will raise my voice at oppressors
Fighting for the oppressed
I will look into the eyes
Of ten thousand hungry demons
And breathe my fire back
Into visions of my birth
So I can continue my journey
Into the heart of my vision
And build the fire within my hearth.
I woke with a start
As I heard the calling from within my dream
I knew something wasn’t right
And I looked for Lily and she was gone
The teepee door flapped lightly
In the dark summer night’s breeze
I grabbed my hatchet and stepped outside
Stars were out and the moon was shining
Waxing crescent – energy building.
My eyes adjusted and I listened
I didn’t hear another call
But I started walking along the ridge
Leaving the encampment behind
I walked for a while silently
In my moccasins Willow had made for me
With little beads Lily had threaded in
And thought of their faces
When they presented them to me.
I saw her standing on the other side of the clearing
Facing into the darker woods
That loomed in front of her
I couldn’t tell if she was in a trance
Or had been led there
But I didn’t want to scare her by coming up silently
Nor did I want to alert whatever demon
Should there be one at her mind.
I kept the hatchet in my hand as I approached
Watching the darkness for the spirit
And Lily turned around and looked at me
It was Lily in body, but in spirit it was not Lily
I clicked my fingers
Like I had been showing her how to recently
Then made the bird call she had made me practice
She had said if there’s ever an emergency
Make that call and her bluejay spirit
Will come to me.
I called again
And clicked again
And she shook her head
Like she was waving off a thought
And looked at me curiously
A bit confused
And asked: “Joe?”
When we returned to our teepee
Willow was boiling some peppermint tea
As we sipped the warm tea
Willow told me the story
Of the first time this happened
And what the medicine man had said
In my experience I had seen this before, too
I had learned in boarding school
That some kids sleep walked
Without knowing they sleep walked
Like peeing the bed
Something that one just comes to understand.
You’re the burden I’ve never heard
Uncontrolled in pity and I’m settling scores
Set down the heavy anvil
Clawing at gates of hell
I’m living inside your head
Dirty conscience a bloody shame
Your battle’s one sad estate
Closed up the shutters
And left dying; vegetate
Your demons be your tickling chin
Twisting and reeling
So shall silence forever be thy name.
I don’t think I can love any other way
Then a heavy anchor tugging
Like window screen wipers
On at a very fast speed.
My storm is perfect and irregular
As its onslaught takes no prisoners
And leaves memories about my skin
Like thin veins navigating through
Lifelines of a thousand year old tree.
Some days I grasp like fallen soldiers
Stranded in limbo, crying out
The name signed with lipstick
Resting on a breast pocket postcard.
On other days, I recline in bliss
As a cackling fire warms my toes
And a pair of storyline mukluks
Bring me warm tea,
Reminding me of good choices I made.
I carry my tokens with me; inside.
I believe there should be no other way.
I believe that love supersedes
The cravings and doesn’t rely on
Place holders that distract real meaning
And distort intentions
In some silly ploy for attention
And a pitiful future
I will not dare seek to define.
I believe in redefinition absolutely,
But redefinition is never easy to agree with,
For the unsettling Demons, nay,
The unsettling Angels of my instinct
Carry with them a fire
That burns so dark in my soul
That I cry when they meet for tribunal.
I don’t think I can love any other way,
And no holiday nor any reward
Has ever shown me otherwise.
I scrambled into wrinkled corners
Flipping pages frantically,
Leading with my one good hand
As if I were demon.
Like tiger I was made a crowd
To pounce as wildfire upon my goal,
Shrieking loudly as I moved
It was my prayer come rounding zen.
~ in struts the guardian ~
Work your tired little fingers
You ungrateful minions
We pay you not good enough
We demand the most of your work
And rarely applaud your efforts
But dammit! Do more work!
You’re not even sweating
And the look on your face
Doesn’t really portray the size
Of the mound I just dumped on your desk
Please, make sure this problem is eliminated
You rather hopeless child
I’m not sure I can look at you
As you sit there in your hallow
For god sakes, liven things up around here!
~ and out comes the demon ~
I sit here quietly
Constantly assuring
These working conditions
Will for-surely be changed
I dream of masochism
Or voodoo tactics
Going AWOL on this monitor
Blinking as rapidly as your ideas change
Morphing my own ideas
Into schemes of your own
Taking all our own
Efforts for granted
Feeling no guilt
At the abuse of your power
You won’t last long, asshole
At the rate you’re going.
~ silence, carry on ~
Gravitation like centrifugal force
Pulls its weight inward
Sinking ships and attracting comets
Similar to love; laws of attraction
Within this game of wheels and barriers
Around this ball of burning flame
Sinks the demon you’ve played again
Round and round and dig much deeper
The efforts there, aside the sticks
Counting pegs like cribbage pricks
Blowing out the energy within
This is the game; lead from within