Coconut Oil (day 1477)

Dear George,

I’ve been wandering the streets late at night wondering where I am, what I’m doing here, how I got here, what day it is. I know this is kind of silly, just a simple glance at my watch I’ve begun to wear again, but I think it’s more in theory: I’m lost. Can you associate?

I don’t look at my hands much anymore. They’ve become acceptable. I now am fascinated with my chin. The various states of hair growth, the different shape it takes upon waking, after shaving, after showering, at night, in the morning. Have you ever noticed this difference?

It has become obvious to me that my morbid thoughts aren’t normal. No, I am not always dying. The pain in my hip is not my insides unwinding. The twitch in my breast isn’t what it feels like to have your lung spewing it’s contents into my stomach. My throat glands will hurt that much if I jab them consistently. Ears aren’t meant for sharp objects, nor is my nose, throat, bum…

Well, the rumors are true. I’ve begun to enjoy the pleasures of massage. Can you believe I went this long in life without ever truly exploring what my muscles could handle, besides that which I do for muscle growth? I get lost for good lengths of time just trying to understand why my muscle is flip-flopping as it does. I notice when I lie flat on the ground that a muscle in my back shifts a bit. I notice my calves are incredibly tight. And to have somebody else do it for me?! Goodness.

Life changed.

Have you discovered the wonders of coconut oil yet?

With all my brotherly love,

Red.

Ashram Day 7 (day 1410)

Hushed whispers echoed through the valley
As muted footsteps swept along ashes,
Detailing a history of sensitive environments
Through the House of Rising Sun.
Father’s eye floated open; another jest,
Another cloudy moment hushed visitors
Welcoming the flash of new life;
A new day.

Mother’s Heart (day 1385)

When winter swells have chased away
Fleeting moments of bright sunny days,
A gull shall float along the shore
Reminding her of nature’s cyclic core.

For in blasts of thy deepest torrents,
In rain and wind and sun and clouds,
In darkness and in dull fog thick,
There exists forever a chasing of
Heart to the next heart.

Where one began the next shall start,
Just as the last lingers on,
Even the strongest of hearts, aghast at last!
Behold, a tulip before the first of March!

She comes with her an army of life –
Carrying about to and fro,
That march with purpose through every strife,
Conquering even her very last blow.

Ned Tobin - Cariboo Hill Flower Basket

Identifying Marks (day 1382)

How does a day slip away?
How does time float on by?
Left alone wondering why
On my mind on my mind.

Footsteps echo loudly
Walking down a dotted line,
Catch a moon and hold it high;
Forever wild at heart and free.

Darkness is pure daylight;
Speakers louder then heartbeat.
Walk into a no return lane,
Find a door that marks your name.

Brownstone Raindrops (day 1196)

Memories found in the smell of your skin;
I’m the glass biting straw.
I’d be inward as you shone on pretty;
A spin and a twirl just as high as I remember.

Wondering as I do, as I move close to see.
Like your arms always tingle in the end:
I’ve found the way to get through the day,
And light crawls through the room.

Breath upon my neck is a happiness I’ve been warned,
Just a slip away is all I’m left to pray.
For today the brownstone soldiers lapping my wake
Share the dominant raindrops I’ve just escaped.

My Red-Red Blue (day 1015)

Indecisively I shifted your heart into my hand
I lingered here a while, debating the weight
Massaging veins that beat uncontrollably

Over and over I turned the red-red blue organ
I looked for a way in – an answer or a keyhole
That would somehow give me what I didn’t know

What did I know? But did I know?
A reflection in the mirror caught my eye
Self portraiture for another day

Here I beat; lifelessly solemn, sublime
Another memory for those who began to fade
Where spots of sun traversed endlessly