If it wasn’t for this cursed intense desire
To see what is behind the door
To take that red pill with a glass of water
I maybe would have had a nice sleep last night
Listening to something nice and easy
Perhaps a small fire cackles in the background
Or the warm smell of tea freshly boiled wafts in
Warm, fuzzy pajamas, with nice slippers to boot
The stiff stride
Is always evident
In a person who spends
Many of their hours
Sitting still
Behind the wheel
Or the keyboard
Without the much
needed movement
Windows
And faces
And murals
And cement
And brick
With mortar
Smells
And stains
And trash
And brooms
And homeless
With doubt
Sounds
And colours
And damage
And cursing
And beauty
With breath
Sometimes it hurts
Sometimes the blood trickles down the sides of your cheeks
And the cold cold hard ground is the only place to lay down
Sometimes faces stare back
Deep and ugly in contorted disgust with what their own eyes meet
Searching for an exit plan, a way out, or a weakness to abuse
Sometimes the is sunshine
Escaping through the clouds in little rays of dancing
Upon walls, upon half faces, upon new growth of flowers
Sometimes it just works
Sometimes when you put all the ducks in a row, and tie your shoes tight
Take those first steps, the others just seem to roll with the flow
Sometimes is what I look forward to
Each and every day that hands us chances to dive into the unknown
The shades of light that flicker back at our conscience and glow
I wander the streets in a seeming cloud of confusion
Faces laughing, talking, swearing in my ear
Sometimes at me, most of the time amongst themselves
And I think: “How obscure this society is,
How little their lives seem to impact mine
Yet without their nonchalance about my business
I would have no business at all”
So it is this way, that I wander through town
Looking upward at the rooftops above
Smiling at strangers, that are confused with my gaze
I notice their inadvertent discomfort at seeing my own eyes
Staring right back at them, with a smile written across their lids
But mostly I notice their interest, behind the scenes
People usually have their own agendas
Scuttling here and there to get done what is to be done
Ignorance yells at me, through some of their gazes
Yet, in some, I see interest and kindness
Today an old lady stopped me in the street
“Isn’t it beautiful” she asked of me
“Look up” I directed
As we both gazed up at the high rise
Which just then, in that moment that we stood there
Had turned a magical gold
We both realized and were inspired by the act of sharing
What a few words of kindness can do towards a better tomorrow
The terrible itch is creeping in
Under control, but so very present
focus, focus, focus
But I’ll dream a little longer
As I stand here naked under the shower
Move me closer to the stain
Drain my musings, and pop my pimples
Thrust me deeper into the present
With your parquet flooring, and tacky linens
It’s cold
I sit here alone in my car
Typing away at the soiled keys
Listening to the sweet hum of tires on pavement
Rush about me in their packaged up scuttle
But I’m bloody cold
My fingers are slowing with the intensity of their fallacy
But who cares, I ain’t fucking hungry
Save for the warm breath of an enchanting companion
Watching me as I shift the gears
I’m ok, I’ll live in the end
I’ll face the bitter truth as I walk the streets alone
Nobody feels the pain anymore, it’s just the same
The ever dying pressures of this cruel world
And I’ll be happy, I’ll show them all
Listlessly dreaming of a flat open plane
A horizon so still that the sun never sets
Waiting for a turn in the road to break my concentration
Eyes turning beet red from the heat of the moment
Dry air beating against my parched eyes in an attempt to clear off the steam
Sick and twisted lines cross the illuminated barriers
Intelligence calls my own lines to be blurred
Solid as they are, drawn as they list-fully praise
Crawling on all fours they go, tail between their legs
I sit and wonder where the time has ever gone
I called your glass eyes to company
I whispered your hairy ears to deaf
We blared the music loud that night
Our love calls blasted the damped night air
With steam-punk bastard intensity
Foolishness arose, blessed from the soiled sheets
Perhaps the games we played never had a score
But we were tracking, oh yes, we had a tally
With your gilded ears pressed against my beaten heart
I sing my song of dancing queens
Sailing away on the silhouetted light of a moonlit night
…and you know I’ve called this road before
…and you’ve cried these gifted diamonds once, long ago
My aim it used to have a thousand strings pulling
The light it used to shine straight ahead
Reaching my limbs for the true chapter of praise
…and now I’ve cut all regrets from the symphony
…and now I’ve let the only lover I’ve ever had know I shall never see her again
But there remains a life: lone
A desire so imprinted that the fashionistas remember the last dance
So harmonious with life that the weeds embrace entirely
…and now I’ve gone away forever
…and now there has left nothing, for forever shall remain everything